


Memory Is Lie, Take It And See Truth

by Bam4Me



Series: Don't Remind Me, What Was It That I Said [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: 18 yo Obi, Amnesia, Attachments, Dark Jedi - Freeform, Dooku has been hiding darksiders for years and aint said shit, First of a series, Gen, Jedi Obi-Wan who will not fall at all, Not quite Sith, Physical Disability, Pre Non Sexual Age Play, Pre-Dark Dooku, Serenno will be main setting for series, Xanatos and Bruck are alive but not mentioned in this fic, dark qui-gon, mentions of diapers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: Qui-Gon expected any number of things when he next thought he'd see Obi-Wan again. Hatred, disgust, anger. He left the Order two years ago and that's what he saw the last time he looked in his eyes.But Obi-Wan doesn't remember him leaving. Those memories are gone, and he's never getting them back. You don't just take away the memory when it's gone, you take away the pain that memory gave you. Obi-Wan is looking at him through fresh eyes, and he's not upset anymore.Which is good, because they need each other now more than ever.





	Memory Is Lie, Take It And See Truth

**Author's Note:**

> SO ANYWAYS... guys this was supposed to be a dark fic... like the idea for this one LEGIT started as Sith Qui kidnapping Obi and forced infantilism and stuff??????? But I literally have zero idea how to write non con???? Obi deserves to be happy and loved???????? So... it's not non con anymore, and Qui isn't quite a Sith, he's a darksider (he fell when Micah and Tahl died, which happened earlier in this au), and the ageplay will eventually be 100% consensual. Also, when the Order finally finds out Obi is with Qui, they ASSUME it's non con but Obi is happy where he is. 
> 
> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com

Memory, is like a lie. Obi-Wan knows that, he knows that as the years go by, memories fade and change. Things hurt less because the pain isn’t as burning, but sometimes they hurt more, because you forgot what the good memories feel like. Sometimes you forgot why they were good at all because you’d stopped living in that moment.

 

Right now, he remembered… his name? He was a Jedi. He knew that. He was Obi-Wan Kenobi, left at the temple as an infant less than a month after he was born. No known records of who his parents were. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t have any, and that was okay with him.

 

How old was he? He thinks… no, he doesn’t remember. Why doesn’t he remember?

 

He stumbled on a root on the ground, and nearly let out a scream, but he was too out of breath, it came out as a terrified gasp. His right leg was burning from ankle to hip along the outside. Why was it hurting? Where  _ is _ he?

 

Is this a dream? Maybe it’s a dream, maybe if he just thinks hard enough he’ll wake up and his master will come comfort him. Maybe this was just a nightmare. Maybe he’d hit his head and he was laying in the healing halls with a broken leg.

 

There was a growl in the forest behind him, and he had to stop on the edge of a river. He was crying, why couldn’t he stop crying? He collapsed on the edge of the bank and hung his head, tears leaking out.

 

He didn’t know how he got here. Something was following him. He just wanted Master. Where was Master?

 

Maybe this  _ was _ just a dream. It felt like a dream. Maybe if he lets the creature get him, he’ll wake up and Master will come help him.

 

“Come on, little one, up we go, we need to leave.” Obi-Wan startled, feeling hands under his arms pulling him up off the ground. His legs weren’t working well, he couldn’t feel the right one, and he doesn’t know how long he’s been here, but the other one was sore, and the growling was louder. Much louder. He was losing time.

 

After being unable to use his right leg, the person behind him let out a frustrated little grunt and lifted him off the ground, up to his chest, one arm around his back, and one under his legs. Obi-Wan got his first look at the man. “Master!”

 

He sobbed out the word, unable to hold back. His shields were fried to pieces, his emotions all over the place, unable to figure out what was going on. Why was Master holding him?

 

Qui-Gon gave him a sad little look but before he could say anything else, they were moving in another direction.

 

Obi-Wan let his mind drift. It was getting so hard to focus on things. Where was he? It was so cold out. Why would he be outside when it’s cold like this?

 

There was a ship up ahead. Was that theirs?

 

Qui-Gon sprinted up the ramp with him, slamming his hand down on the ramp button at the last second, holding Obi-Wan close as they heard something big slamming into the bulkhead door. Obi-Wan let out a frightened little squeak, hiding in Qui-Gon’s shoulder as he was briskly carried towards the cockpit.

 

Why was he so frightened? Did something bad happen? He couldn’t stop shaking.

 

The ship lifted off the ground and Obi-Wan found himself in Qui-Gon’s lap in the pilot’s seat, hiding in his robes as the man ran a soothing hand down his side.

 

“Alright little one, I need you to  _ sleep _ .” The master’s voice was compelling. Too compelling. Before Obi-Wan could even think of arguing, he was already drifting off.

 

He hopes this isn’t a dream. He wants to be wrapped up safe in his master’s arms so badly.

 

***

 

Obi-Wan woke up to the steady beeping of a heart monitor. He frowned. He couldn’t much feel his right leg, and he felt like he’d gotten hit on the head with a crowbar.

 

Where is he?

 

There was a movement on the other side of the room, and someone stepped up to the edge of the bed he was in and reached down to him, putting a hand on his forehead. The hand drifted down to his shoulder, and Obi-Wan found he couldn’t seem to open his eyes to figure out who it was. It felt like… Master?

 

“You’re in an orbital hospital in the Outer Rim territories, recovering from a leg wound.”

 

Obi-Wan frowned.  _ Then why can’t I remember that? What happened to my head? _

 

Qui-Gon reached down to gently squeeze his hand. “Volume control, little one. Your shields are… ripped up. I’m sure Master Dooku could hear that from all the way on the first floor waiting room.”

 

Obi-Wan swallowed, trying to focus on his own shields. They  _ were _ ripped up. Not like something had sliced through them, but like a virus had made them unstable until they just started falling apart.

 

“The beast that attacked you had poison in his claws. It’s not the best hunter in a forest terrain, so it adapted. The poison numbs whatever body part it hits, and then it starts attacking memory, until the prey is too unstable and confused to keep fighting. As far as I can tell, you lasted nearly a day out there before I found you.”

 

Obi-Wan swallowed, eyes still shut. Qui-Gon sat down on the edge of the bed, and Obi-Wan turned towards him, looking for comfort. Why was Master being so cautious. He wasn’t touching him nearly as much as he usually did when Obi-Wan was hurt. He wasn’t… why was he so distant? Obi-Wan could barely feel their bond. He started looking for it in his mind, finding his end of it and tugging on it.

 

“Hush, little one, I know you’re worried and scared, but you needn't strain yourself. I’m right here. Your shields are torn and you’ve suffered greatly. When you’re feeling better, we can strengthen our bonds, but right now, you need to  _ sleep _ .”

 

Obi-Wan let out a little sigh, dropping back off before he could try and stop it.

 

***

 

Obi-Wan was sitting up in bed before he even knew it, sluggishly fighting to wake up as he slowly come back to consciousness. 

 

“Wasisa.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Obi-Wan turned in the bed, eyebrows going up when he met the bland stare of his grandmaster. They stared at each other for a good ten seconds of silence, before Obi-Wan gained enough thought to send a singular word towards the Jedi master. 

 

_ Water _ .

 

Dooku snorted, standing up and going to get him a cup with a straw of water, sitting down at the edge of the bed to help him drink. Obi-Wan got down half the cup before Dooku pulled away.

 

“Don’t want you getting sick.”

 

Obi-Wan sighed and laid back down, more flopping bonelessly to the bed than anything.

 

“Wha’mi’doin’ere?”

 

Dooku reached over to fix his blankets for him, frowning. “Do you not remember?”

 

Obi-Wan turned to look at him, shaking his head. His eyes were glassy and it was hard to focus. “My leg? Got poisoned, I think?”

 

Dooku nodded, looking at the leg in question. “Can you feel it?”

 

Obi-Wan shook his head. “Numb. Slight tingling, but numb.”

 

Dooku let out a little sigh, nodding. “It’ll heal some then. Not much, but it’ll be… functional.”

 

Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes as a well of emotions swelled in him. Sadness mostly.

 

_ I guess I won’t be a Jedi now. _

 

Dooku looked at him, face full of shock. “Obi-Wan… you were knighted two months ago.”

 

What?

 

***

 

Obi-Wan didn’t remember falling asleep this time, but when he woke up, his fingers were clutching his braid.

 

His padawan braid? But he was knighted? Why did he have his braid instead of Master? He should have given it to Qui-Gon the moment he was knighted.

 

He yawned, sinking back into the pillows tiredly, wondering when he’d finally get out of here so they could go back to the temple. 

 

He paused in his thoughts, feeling something weird under the covers, and lifted up the blanket to check, face colouring bright red when he realized he was wearing a diaper. Oh  _ no _ .

 

He’s only ever had to be put in those a few times before, and all of them where he was too sick to physically get up. Maybe he’s just been asleep for too long.

 

Obi-Wan felt his lip tremble. Oh god, why are his emotions spilling over like this, he hasn’t felt this out of control since he was a child. 

 

“Hush, little one, you’re okay. You’re perfectly safe here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

 

Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon with trembling lips, eyes full of tears. “Master, what happened?”

 

Qui-Gon looked utterly wrecked. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in, pressing his lips to Obi-Wan’s forehead, as gentle as he’s ever been when Obi-Wan was sick or hurt. “Do you remember getting hurt?”

 

Obi-Wan leaned into the kiss, letting out a little hum when Qui-Gon’s large hand dwarfed his own in a gentle grip. He feels like he hasn’t seen his master in forever. It feels almost heavenly to be with him right now. “I got hurt. Can’t feel much of my leg. Dooku says they knighted me?”

 

Qui-Gon looked in another direction, not wanting Obi-Wan to see him rolling his eyes. He knew fully well that Obi-Wan wasn’t ready, or  _ mature _ enough at the age of eighteen, to be knighted. Whoever replaced him as his master obviously didn’t care a whit if Obi-Wan got hurt because of not being ready yet.

 

“Yes, Obi-Wan, you got knighted, and they sent you on your first solo mission. They shouldn’t have knighted you this early. You’re not ready for that yet.”

 

Obi-Wan frowned, reaching up to tug on the braid again. “Why did you let them?”

 

Qui-Gon looked sad- no, regretful. He looked like his world was shattering, and Obi-Wan didn’t understand why. “I… it wasn’t my choice, little one, I… left the Order. I left. I left you there.”

 

It took a moment to fully understand, and Obi-Wan felt the tears spill down his cheeks. Oh god, he was an emotional wreck. “You… was it because of me?”

 

Qui-Gon looked back at him with a stern look in his eyes. “Do not  _ ever _ think I left because of you, Obi-Wan. I… leaving you was possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I only hope you can forgive me for leaving you with those who  _ hurt _ you like this. Even if your new master thought you ready to be knighted, the council should have put a stop to it the moment he suggested it.”

 

He looked away, a true anger in his eyes. Anger that Obi-Wan has only seen a few times before. Anger like that that was close to… darkness. Why would his master be so angry?

 

“You fell…” The words came out like a revelation, and Qui-Gon turned to him without the anger, eyes so gentle it made Obi-Wan relax. He just wanted his master to stay with him, always looking gentle like that. Always loving. He let out a little sigh, hand tightening around Qui-Gon’s when he was afraid the man might pull away. He didn’t want him to pull away. Not again.

 

“Yes, I fell. I fell and I almost hurt you, though apparently you don’t remember. I left after. I couldn’t raise you to knighthood not knowing if I was stable. I needed to know me, before I could help anyone know themselves.”

 

Obi-Wan watched him for a long minute. “I don’t sense evil in you. Darkness, maybe, but not evil. I don’t think it matters if you’re… fallen, or not. What matters is what you want, and I don’t think you want power.”

 

Qui-Gon stared at him for a long silent minute. “I… almost wish I had stayed with you. It took my master two long years to convince me I wasn’t evil, and you probably could have done it in five minutes. If only I hadn’t been too scared to stay.”

 

Obi-Wan seemed to think that over for a minute. “I don’t remember you leaving, but, it’s likely I wouldn’t have thought of it that way if you had stayed. I only think of it now because I don’t remember what happened. I’m looking with new eyes, and you don’t seem evil to me. You’re still my master, and I don’t think I’m knighted yet.”

 

Qui-Gon frowned. “But you are-”

 

“No. My master says I’m not ready, and I haven’t cut my braid yet.”

 

Qui-Gon looked like he’d just been given the best gift. He squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand, looking overjoyed. The lights rattled in their cages from the intense emotion, and Obi-Wan smiled tiredly back at him. If he could use the force through joy, could falling  _ really _ be that terrible?

 

“You won’t go back to the temple yet.  _ They _ did this to you. You lost two years of memory and most of the use of your right leg because of them. I won’t send you back there. You’ll come stay with me and Dooku on Serenno.”

 

Obi-Wan just nodded, already half asleep in the hospital bed. He wasn’t too concerned about where he stayed. He’d just found out that he lost his master, and gotten him back in the same time. He wouldn’t worry as long as Qui-Gon was with him.

 

It was safe to sleep a little longer.

 

***

 

Obi-Wan was bored. Utterly bored. There was nothing to do but sleep and stare at walls, when Qui-Gon wasn’t filling him in on his two year long self ban to Serenno with his master, telling him about the research he’d done into the Sith from before the Jedi and the Sith were two separate temples. Telling him about how he’d learned that emotion could fuel the way he used the force.

 

He only needed to keep from rage, and he would keep from harming those he loved. It was much the same with Jedi, they needed to stay calm, to keep emotion from clouding their work. But Qui-Gon was doing no harm here on the edge of the galaxy, tending to his plants and learning to control himself so he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

 

But when there wasn’t anything to talk about, it was boring. And having lost the last two years of his life to the poison, with no chance of recovering them, there wasn’t much  _ he _ could talk about either.

 

He didn’t know who had taken over from Qui-Gon when his master had left, just that they had pushed him to knighthood long before Obi-Wan was ready for it.

 

He’d always known that no other master had been eager to take him on as a padawan, and Qui-Gon had only hesitated because of his misgivings over Xanatos, but to have such a careless master who would send him to his death in solo missions because they wanted rid of him so bad? That was a nightmare.

 

He was happy to have  _ his _ master, no matter how strange it is to hear that just a few months ago he didn’t want anything to do with him.

 

He was looking through different eyes right now, and he wasn’t going to give up this chance to be here.

 

He looked down under the covers again at his two little annoyances. His leg, which has lost most of its sensation, and Qui-Gon and Dooku were sure he would get better, but not enough to walk without a brace, and the diaper. It was bothersome, but this one both masters were convinced would get much better over time, that one day he wouldn’t need any help at all. Right now the numbness is making him unsure how anything feels around his waist, and he couldn’t control much because of that.

 

Qui-Gon came into the room with a duffle bag, setting it down on the chair next to the bed, and sat himself down next to Obi-Wan on the bed. “Oh, don’t look so sad. With proper healing, it’ll be good as new in a few years.”

 

Obi-Wan squaked at that, looking horrified. “A few  _ years _ ?”

 

Qui-Gon nodded. “Yes. A few years. Your leg will never be the same, but the numbing poison will slowly wear off as your body cycles through cells. The nerves in that leg will mostly stay damaged, but your waist wasn’t actually poisoned, just where the beast scratched you. Everywhere else that’s numb now will eventually regain proper feeling since it wasn’t a direct attack.”

 

Obi-Wan sighed, looking away from him. He didn’t want this.

 

Qui-Gon gently took hold of his chin, turning him towards his face. Obi-Wan let out a little sigh, leaning into the touch like he was starved. He was starting to think that whoever took him in after Qui-Gon didn’t know what a hug was, because he was constantly desperate for that touch, leaning into any and all affection. Even from Dooku, rare as it was.

 

“You know we think no differently of you for this, right?”

 

Obi-Wan could feel tears welling up, and he just wanted to fling himself into Qui-Gon’s arms and cry, constantly feeling as though he was standing on the edge of a cliff, unable to back up, but not yet having fallen over. He’s not sure what’s over that edge. He can’t stop crying at  _ everything _ . “I know. It’s not something I can help. I need help, and you’re giving it.”

 

The words sounded robotic, and Qui-Gon’s face crumpled into a look of sorrow before he pulled the teen as well as he could into his arms. Obi-Wan hid his face in his chest, missing just being in his master’s arms. It didn’t happen often, but they’d gotten closer over the years. Obi-Wan missed just being able to hug.

 

And that’s when it feels like he’s only been a few weeks without. He can’t imagine how it must have ruined him not being able to touch for  _ years _ .

 

“Obi-Wan, everything about you is absolutely  _ precious _ to me, and now that I have you back, hurt or not, I don’t want to give you up.”

 

Obi-Wan looked up at him shocked. “A-attachment?” He stuttered out stupidly, cringing at the word. He knew he was attached to his master, and he knew he needed to keep it hidden, but being so  _ blatant _ about it? It was forbidden.

 

“Very attached, and I don’t care who knows it. The Jedi are  _ wrong _ to forbid attachments. It’s what drove me to the edge, and I know you struggle with it too, I refuse to lose you to it.”

 

Oh… he wasn’t sure what to say about that.

 

“It’s… it’s  _ okay _ to be attached?”

 

“It’s very okay, dear one. Sometimes I think the Jedi are so afraid of attachment, they let their own come to neglect rather than comfort them. Children leave the temple without family, terrified and abandoned by those who raised them their whole lives, adults fall to neglect and heartbreak because we lose those we loved our whole lives. And young ones, far too young to be on their own, are knighted and sent on missions that get them killed. Maybe if they were more attached, that wouldn’t happen. I know  _ I _ would never send you off to be hurt like you were.”

 

Obi-Wan sagged against him, feeling emotionally wrecked, mentally exhausted, and nodded. “Okay. I want to stay with you for a long time. Is that okay?”

 

“I would protest anything less.”

 

Obi-Wan pulled back with a little smile, feeling better than he had in a long time. He didn’t see what was so bad about falling to the dark side. He hasn’t felt this… loved, in… he doesn’t think he’s  _ ever _ felt this loved. He liked it. He  _ wanted _ it. He didn’t want to go back to the cold temple where everything hurt his heart.

 

He didn’t even  _ know _ it hurt till now.

 

“Am I finally getting out?”

 

Qui-Gon nodded, holding up the duffle bag and opening it up to show civilian clothes. They looked comfortable and warm. “You are. Let’s get you dressed. When we get to Serenno, you can relax in Dooku’s library, and we can begin healing your shields.”

 

Obi-Wan smiled, nodding. “I’ve never been to Grandmaster’s palace. Is it nice?”

 

Qui-Gon gave him a little smile, helping him get into an oversized sweater. “Very nice. It’ll provide more stimulation than an orbital hospital anyways.”

 

Obi-Wan nodded. “I can’t wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com


End file.
